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If someone is hurting you, scaring you or controlling your life, help is a call or a text away. It's free and confidential, any time of day.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Free, confidential support 24/7 for anyone experiencing abuse, and for the people who care about them.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Free, confidential support 24/7 for anyone in emotional distress or crisis.
RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
Free, confidential support 24/7 for survivors of sexual violence and the people who care about them.
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Know the pattern
A pattern of power and control
“Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control.”
27.2%
of U.S. women say a partner has used coercive control or entrapment against them in their lifetime.
CDC, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2023/2024 data brief, February 2026
The Power and Control Wheel
Eight tactics, one goal
The wheel was created in the early 1980s in Duluth, Minnesota, from the experiences of women who had been battered. It names eight tactics around power and control, inside a rim of physical and sexual violence. Tap a tactic to read what it looks like.
Using intimidation
Making her afraid with looks, actions and gestures, or by smashing her things.
Based on the Power and Control Wheel, Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth, Minn., theduluthmodel.org. Section names are DAIP's; the one-line descriptions are Bench Watch's own summaries of DAIP's examples.
Know the signs
Eight stages one criminologist found
Criminologist Jane Monckton Smith studied 372 killings of women by partners. Her research describes eight stages, and coercive control is a warning sign at stage three.
“Travel through the stages is not inevitable.”
- 1History before the relationship
A history of stalking or domestic abuse · The person is controlling
- 2The early relationship
Pushes for early commitment · Possessive at early stage · Jealous at early stage
- 3The relationship
Coercive control · Isolation of victim from family and friends · Threats to pets or children
- 4A trigger
Separation · Threat of separation · Bankruptcy or financial ruin
- 5Escalation
Concerning behaviors become more frequent · Language like “I won’t let you leave”
- 6A change in thinking
Last attempts at reconciliation · Victim does not respond to threats, or cannot respond
- 7Planning
Change in usual behavior · Increased menace · May tell people of plans
- 8Homicide
If it's someone you love
How to help, from the Hotline's advocates
Ask, don't assume. Start with “How can I help?” Only the person you love knows what they need.
Talk about safety first. The Hotline says “the first thing you should talk about is how to create a safety plan,” and that the person you love is the best judge of what will keep them, and you, safe.
You can call too. Hotline advocates can help you build a safety plan for your loved one's situation.
Take care of yourself. In the Hotline's words, “you have to put your own oxygen mask on first.”
National Domestic Violence Hotline, “When a Survivor Asks You for Help”
Coming soon
Our film on coercive control
Our film goes through the Power and Control Wheel section by section, with what the trial record in Mamta Kafle Bhatt's case shows. Until it's out, watch our films on the cases we follow.
Watch the casesBench Watch is journalism, not a help service, and nothing here is legal advice. We say her name, we label every fact by who says so, and we never name or show a child. Read our editorial standards.